


Love Is A Lodestar

by Write_Or_Wrong



Category: Kagerou Project, Mekakucity Actors
Genre: F/M, Kanokido, harutaka - Freeform, headcannon, konoene
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-20 02:12:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3632769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Write_Or_Wrong/pseuds/Write_Or_Wrong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Because love can only be confronted together, and for that, they are not yet ready." A series of Mekakucity Actors ship songfics. Will update whenever inspired. Possible ships I will write include KanoKido, KonoEne, ShinAya & SetoMarry. Enjoy! :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter I: White Lies & Hidden Secrets

_“I will make sure to keep my distance,_  
_Say I love you when you’re not listening,_  
_How long, can we keep this up, up, up?”_

_-Christina Perri (Distance)_

* * *

 

They dance around each other like leaves in the wind. Maybe its stubbornness or pride, or even both, but neither Kano or Kido admit anything more besides the comradery of siblings.

He will hide behind the liar’s mask. Letting no one in. Not even her, because he doesn’t want her to fear what she finds inside.

She will stay unseen and invisible. Transparent, but safe from whatever love will ruin her.

But there are times when both of them will admit to something more, even if isn’t to each other.

When Kano stands at Ayano’s grave. He tells his sister of things he only allows the dead to hear.

Or when Kido finds solace in the Mekakucity Dan’s roof, she whispers her confessions to the wind, and let the words travel far.

How long will they play their trivial games of hide and seek?

Until one of them truly disappears?

They do not have an answer.

So they still dart away, and sidestep what they cannot face. Because love can only be confronted together. And for that, they are not yet ready.

So they will continue to evade the storm catching up.

How long, indeed.


	2. Chapter II: Words Unsaid & Stolen Goodbyes

_"This is the bad before the worse._   
_This is the storm before the storm_   
_I haven't even hit the bottom of this ocean floor."_

_-Jason Walker (There Shouldn't Be A Good in Goodbye)_

* * *

Ayano points a finger at her, her eyes angrier than anytime she's ever been before and accuses Takane of being a coward. And she's right.

Right about Takane's cowardice—

And right about her love.

Her legs are flying as she darts past hallways and shoves away doors, she cannot run fast enough. Yet, her mind still swirls faster, haunting her with the fears, worries,  _guilt_.

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Haruka. For all those moments I have ever been angry at you, and every time I hit you. For leaving you alone, when I should've been at your side. For being a total ass whenever you said something nice to me and for—_

She is desperate. For a chance, no matter how difficult.

And almost as if fate was answering her,

_Her vision blurs._

Her knees fail and her body crumples to the floor, and no amount of willpower can keep Takane going. She curses, more afraid of what happened to Haruka than what is happening to her right now.

The last thing she sees is the taunting face of her teacher staring down at her, with eerie bloodred eyes and the smile of a killer.

Takane only realizes everything when it's too late.

She loves Haruka. Her teacher just murdered her. She is dying.

"I love you, Haruka." Are the dying girl's final words.

She never even said goodbye.

* * *

_"This is the bend before the break._   
_This is the mercy not the grace._   
_This is the proof and not the faith I try to find."_

_-Jason Walker (There Shouldn't Be A Good in Goodbye)_

* * *

He knows he's been poisoned when the headaches come.

Because headaches were never one of his symptoms.

Haruka could only vaguely see the scarlet eyes and malicious grin on his teacher's face that only confirmed his suspicion of venom running in his veins.  _I hope Takane is safe._

And then the world blinks shut and fades to oblivion.

_He didn't want to die yet. He has too many regrets, too many words left unsaid. He was going to talk to Takane today. He needed to._

_But it was not an option he realized, he was dying._

_A voice tells him to choose._

_Choose what?_

Choose one thing your heart desires most.

_A stronger body, is his first thought._

_NO._

_WAIT._

Too late, he cannot take those words back.

_But the voice still sneers, oh well, I guess you don't want your memories then._

He can feel his memories slipping away, one by one.

_[Him and Takane's first meeting, Takane returning a scowl when he smiled.]_

_[That time she won the 100m girls sprint and he first saw her laugh, victoriously and with a grin on her face.]_

_[And the the video game booth they set up for the school fair, the way she looked curled up around the curtains with a blush on her face]_

He is getting everything he always wanted.

But losing the one person he ever needed in the process.

_NO, he cries, in a last feeble attempt to save his deteriorating body. But he is powerless to save himself. Just like he was powerless to do anything else._

So in a final act of courage in his dying breath, Haruka says what he was too weak to say before.

"I love you, Takane."

But he couldn't even say goodbye.

* * *

_"There shouldn't be a good in goodbye."_

_-Jason Walker (There Shouldn't Be A Good in Goodbye)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was such a sad one. Thank You for taking to time to read this fanfic! As you can guess, this fanfic is KonoEne/HaruTaka, whichever shipname you prefer. Reviews are always appreciated and constructive criticism welcome!
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Mekakucity Actors, the song or the lyrics.


	3. Chapter III: Faking Smiles & Saving Grace

_"Everybody cries, we've all faked a smile._

_When your back's against the wall,_  
_and your hands are tied._  
_There's pain, life hurts,_  
_There's a thousand things_  
_You think you don't deserve."_

_-Christina Grimmie (I Bet You Don't Curse God)_

* * *

As a human, she scowled all day. And as a cyber-being, she would have a permanent smirk on her face. There was too much irony in the fact that she could only smile when she had lost it all.

Because what else could she do?

Takane, or rather Ene, could smirk and gloat all she liked, because they would all believe her.

She could walk around like she didn't care, and not a single one of them would know otherwise.

All of them, except Konoha.

Konoha, who she knew was Haruka, but was helpless to make him remember.

It killed her inside, to watch him everyday, knowing he is everything and nothing, because Haruka was not in that body anymore. His memories were simply, gone. And she was powerless to make it otherwise, stuck in virtual reality, without even a real body to live.

And somewhere deeper inside her, she wonders. Does she really want him to remember?

To remember how she abandoned him, and the unkind words she's said.

This is a fresh start. A clean slate. A chance, delivered to her on a silver platter.

A new beginning.

But the circumstances are all wrong. Haruka has the body he always wanted. But his existence has been wiped clean. And Ene has no body at all, just a soul coded into a different reality. Some _thing_  that shouldn't exist, for more reasons than one.

That is the guilt she feels. It consumes her heart until she can feel too much and nothing at all. She is a broken girl inside. Broken because regrets and of guilt, and broken because of love.

But broken bones grow back stronger.

And that is the hope she harbours. The promise that time will heal, and mend the broken girl inside.

_"Wait for me, Haruka."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm updating faster than expected, but be warned, my well of inspiration is close to running dry. In the meantime though, enjoy this new treat! This time, I only gave one POV, but don't worry, I will give you other ones too. If you guys prefer a specific Mekakucity Actors shipping, feel free to message me about it. Thank you for reading, and as always, reviews are appreciated and constructive criticism welcome!


	4. Chapter IV: Clouded Thoughts & Deepest Fear

_"Pitter-pat, the angel on my shoulder,_  
_Is haunting me tonight._  
_Tick tock, the clock is getting louder,_  
_Ready for me to decide._

_The sun is coming down on me_  
_Could fate be so unkind? "_

_-Erin McCarley (Pitter-Pat)_

* * *

Kido fears many things. Roller coasters, haunted houses. But her deepest fear, the one that feeds the terror in her nightmares, is the fear of being invisible. Ignored. Acknowledged by no one.

That's why when even the members Meka Dan cannot see her, it hurts her more than they realize, and it nurtures her growing nightmares.

It is also why it pains her to see the note in Kano's sharp writing, telling her to meet him at the rooftop, invisible and unseen. She does not want to yet again disappear into nothing just to play his twisted games. But eventually her curiosity won out, so she slips into her transparent form and trudges toward her destination.

The setting sun peaks through the rooftop door, as Kido quietly opens it, still wary of what was waiting for her.

She freezes. And the invisibility fades.

Kano is sitting on the edge of rail, leaning back with another grinning mask on his face. His eyes, normally pale, are scarlet red and menacing. And he shouts at her through the wind.

"You know what I discovered the other day, Kido?"

Kido cannot move. Paralyzed by sudden thoughts in her head. Flashes of Ayano spark in her mind and she wonders if this is how she died. Finally, she forces herself to speak.

"Kano, get down from there, it's dangerous." Her voice is calm, concealing the storm inside her right now.

He pays her words no heed. "Did you know that if one snake goes in, another will come out?"

Suddenly, everything snaps into place. Kano was going to encounter the Heat Haze again. And he was going to do it so Ayano could come back.

Her voice has betrayed her, but she manages one word, strangled and quivering.

" _NO_."

But he still continues, as if he heard nothing at all. "What do you think Tsubomi? You can get rid of the useless me who couldn't even save his sister, and finally get to see sis again. Two birds with one stone hmm?" He is still grinning as he says it, even though the fear in his crimson eyes is clear as day.

Kido is losing it. She is  _powerless_. Kano is asking her to do the impossible.

To choose between Ayano and him.

She feels guilt. Because she wants Ayano back, more than anything else.

But the price of that will never be worth anything.

She watches Kano and waits. He will not so anything until she decides. But even fate cannot tell what he will do after.

Faster than light, Kido flashes out of sight and races in Kano's direction, and for once she is glad for this ability. He's caught by surprise, momentarily startled by her sudden disappearance, but it is enough.

Enough for her to wrestle him away from the railing, push him away from the edge and punch him square in the jaw. And finally, she slumps down beside him, heart pumping erratically and adrenaline in her veins. She looks at him.

He looks stunned. She doesn't know why.

"Why didn't you choose her?" he whispers.

Now it is Kido's turn to be shocked.

"You are not the price to pay for my selfishness, Kano.  _Never_." She says with ferocity that surprised even her.

"I'm sorry Kido." He murmurs as he touches her cheek. When he pulls away, she touches her own cheeks, to find the telltale dampness of freshly spilt tears on her fingers. She's been crying, Kido realizes. She breathes in a few times to steady the sobs.

"One more question." He says. Kido nods, letting him ask.

"When did you learn to punch like that?" He winces, gently rubbing the purple bruise starting to show on his jaw, back to his signature grin.

Kido grumbles, but helps him on his feet and they walk back into the house as the stars appear behind them and the air chills.

She decides then, that she fears something more than being invisible.

Because now, her darkest fear is losing Kano.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another KanoKido because they are my OTP. This was inspired by a headcannon of mine and is in no way confirmed by the original source. Hope you guys enjoyed! One more thing, school has been really busy so I may not update this in a while. Hopefully, you guys wont have to wait long though. If you have any requests, feel free to PM me! Reviews are always appreciated and constructive criticism welcome!


	5. Silent Screams & Nightmares Within

_"Wake up in a strange place, angels over my head,_  
one of them is shouting clear.  
1000 bolts of lightning bring me back to life,  
and it's a miracle that I'm still here.  
As I'm coming too, screaming out for you I need you by my side,  
Now I'm alive."

_-Gareth Emery (U)_

* * *

_Kido walks in front of him, still keeping that image of a leader she had wanted so much to adopt. Kano can't help but be hurt that even he is shut outside of Kido's world, especially because it used to be him that she would look for when the nightmares would send tears to her face._

_The green light turns red. And Kido is still walking._

_His eyes widen when the realization dawns._

_It's too late._

_A glint of metal and a flash of light._

_Silence._

_And then, the sound of a thousand screams erupt in his mind._

_Kido is lying in a pool of scarlet blood, still seeping onto the concrete. The car that hit her is long gone, either oblivious to the damage in its wake, or too scared to face it. A crowd edges around her, people watching with wide-eyed horror. Vaguely, Kano tells himself to call the police, but right now, his eyes are staring unwaveringly at the fallen figure before him. Slowly he—_

Kano jolted awake, gasps still echoing the room, sweat dripping down his back. It was a nightmare thinks, as he struggles to soften his breaths, the telltale pounding of his heart still betraying the fear in his mind.

The nightmares came more often now, stealing his sleep in the process. It was always Kido. Kido dying, Kido leaving, Kido hating him. Fears that would haunt him, for reasons he will never voice outloud. Reasons that he would tell only Ayano, to the dead who can spill no secrets.

He walks downstairs, still grateful that his screams are always soundless, just a piece of his nightmares. It would be another knife in the heart to lie to Kido about what —or who is causing them.

Milk and cookies. It's what he always comes for, whenever his nightmares kept him awake. He turns down the hallway, into the kitchen, only to see someone already there.

"Kido?" He asks, out of surprise, but with curiosity laced in his words. She looks beautiful with light purple pajamas and green hair cascading down her back, he thinks, then regretting it immediately.

"Oh, hey Kano." Is her only reply, before she busies herself with rummaging through the fridge again.

She sets a plate of chocolate chip cookies and a glass of milk on the counter, and pushes it toward him. "Here, it's what you get everytime right?"

Kano is stunned. For many reasons. First, why Leader is up at three o' clock in the morning. And second, how she does know he's been stealing food from the cupboard on nights like these.

"Oh, don't give me that look Kano, you think I wouldn't know that you raid the kitchen everytime you get nightmares?"

Kano manages to look sheepish, while asking questions of his own.

"How about you Leader, why so early?" he asks, cookie in his mouth.

"You're not the only one with nightmares, Kano." She says, the night shadows hiding the expression on her face. He instantly regrets asking.

She sits beside him on the table, with her own plate of cookies, and dares him to say something. Kano only hides a smile and continues with his own plate.

They eat in pleasant silence, both sneaking glances at each other, both running marathons of questions in their minds. But it's late and neither will confess their fears to the other, because they just might end up admitting to more than fears.

The next night, Kano sneaks to the kitchen to grab a plate of cookies, but this time, not for himself. He gently pushes open the door to Kido's room and lowers the plate onto the nightstand with a note attached. And slowly, he backs away, with a smile on his face and the hint of a blush on his cheeks.

* * *

_"Dear Leader,_  
So you won't have to go downstairs next time.  
PS. We're running out of cookies, this is the last one."  
-Kano

* * *

Kano dreams peacefully that night. Of happy memories and precious moments, each dearer than the last. Because one green-haired girl is with him through it all.

He sees it as compensation for helping him with his nightmares, so every night he sets a plate of cookies beside a sleeping Kido, just in case.

* * *

_"No, I didn't pray to God,_  
No, I never saw the light.  
No, I didn't watch my life go flashing right before my eyes.  
No, I didn't do the things that they all said that I would do.  
I just closed my eyes and all I saw was you."

_-Gareth Emery (U)_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read my first Mekakucity Actors/ Kagerou Days fanfic! Reviews are always appreciated and constructive criticism is welcome!


End file.
